…no wait, that’s a lie. I don’t want to hang out with you.
But not for the reason that I don’t like you; it’s not that at all.
I don’t want to hang out because sometimes trying to balance a social conversation while simultaneously monitoring my child is exhausting. It’s not like he is a small infant who sits on the ground relatively immobile, and he’s not an older more independent child that has a basic understanding of safe independent play. No, my child thinks everything is a wonderful gift. The cat's litter box is a treasure chest. Electrical sockets? A key hole for whatever he can makeshift in there, It’s not that I don’t enjoy hanging out and talking with you, but it’s hard to enjoy your company when I am constantly trying to ensure my child stays alive, especially in public areas or places that are not toddler proof.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy having you over at my place either, but when it looks like a bomb went off because every toy I touch to put away becomes the hot new “gotta play with it” object, nothing ever makes it back to the toy bin until naptime or bedtime, entertaining people is more embarassing than fun.
I have to balance meal times, nap time, and sometimes the wind blowing the wrong way is enough to set my toddler into a downward spiral of emotional distress and leave my day as an uphill battle with my patience being tested.
It is exhausting to me to have to fight to get my child ready to go out and be social to not be able to enjoy my social time.
At this age, my child is a sponge. He is soaking up words and concepts at an astounding rate, and while it would be nice to go out and mingle in the adult world for a little bit, constantly saying “don’t touch that” “don’t put that in your mouth” “you’re going to hurt yourself!” is not in any way helpful to his need to explore and learn. I cannot help him explore safely when you want to have a conversation with me. I cannot give you my undivided attention because I cannot ignore what my child is doing, and It is not fair to him to stifle his need to explore because you want me to split my attention between you two.
It wasn’t always like this. Before my child was 1 maybe 1.5 I thought balancing a healthy social life with my child was a piece of cake. It evolved into a challenge. My child is constantly testing boundaries and to add button pushing into a social situation leads the social situation to be less desirable.
So don’t take it as an insult if I don’t come around whenever you want me to; sometimes it takes the mental prepration for a battle that I don’t have in me, and sometimes I just don’t want to. Does that mean I value your friendship any less? No. But try to have some understanding that from the time my child wakes up, until he goes to sleep, my days are full. My primary focus is my child and what is easiest for him, not you.
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